Single Mom's Guide to Life

So the play was amazing and I have posted a couple of pictures on the site.  I had the time of my life!  So much so that I am in another one-Witness for the Prosecution.  It is an Agatha Christie murder mystery.  I miss having time to blog and a computer that will upload my entries.  It seems that none of us has enought time to do anything anymore.  More pictures to come if possible.... 

So I go online to find the best airline fare to Maui for the end of this year.  My friend Melissa lives there and has graciously invited me to be her guest in MAUI!  So I go to Hotwire, because they usually have the best prices anyway and eagerly type in Redmond to Maui.  I nearly choke on my hot chocolate when the tidy sum of over $1500 comes onto the screen.  Even going to every other website I am still looking at over a grand just to get there.  How can we be proud of ourselves as a country when we feel justified in charging those kinds of prices to take a vacation?  Whatever I might have saved in lodging, I will be spending in airfare to get there and back.  You have got to be kidding me.  Even if we elect a new president (for "change") we have still set the bar in letting the government know that we will bitch and moan about it, but we will pay the high prices they have set.  We are so spoiled as a society that we have taken everything for granted.  Need gas?  No problem.  Need food?  No problem.  Need money you don't have?  No problem.  You can go to all sorts of places and get these things.  We will put up with all of the bullshit and politics, just to have the things we think we need.  Someone needs to put their foot down and tell them we are not going to take it anymore.  If I had the balls, I would sell my house (at a loss, of course), get quite a few of my friends together and travel across the country to D.C., sit on the steps of the capitol building and tell them that we are not going to take it anymore.  It has become ridiculous to the point of nausea.  When families can't afford to keep their homes or feed their children-ding ding-there is a problem here.  Everyone wants to blame Mr. Bush and I would be fine to jump on that bandwagon as long as it is a free ride.  Part of me thinks we have done it to ourselves.  We are such a "me, me, me" society that we could care less about anyone else.  I work at a Staffing Agency and have seen people so desperate for jobs that they will take minimum wage just to keep afloat.  Of course, minimum wage in Oregon is almost $8 bucks an hour, so we are in a better place than most states.  Jobs are so coveted around here that people used to making over $100K a year are applying for entry level jobs because of outsourcing or downsizing.  I am so grateful for everything I have.  I have two great jobs.  I have a roof over our heads.  I have a running car.  I am better off than a lot of people right now.  This is a scary time, my friends.  I have no idea how we are going to dig ourselves out of this hole.  How can any of us afford another Great Depression?  Maybe that is exactly what we need to start over fresh.  Wow, and I just wanted to go to Maui over Christmas...

I am truly having the time of my life being in the play.  And yes, SAAM, there is a website-http://www.2ndstreettheater.com/-it has all of the information on it for the last season and the new season coming up.  I will definitely put up a video or at least pictures or something.  At this point in time I am running on empty.  I am cranky, tired and basically, a big bitch.  BUT I'M HAVING FUN, RIGHT!?  Mother's Day was shitty.  Pam was in a bad mood for the whole weekend and there is a male server at the restaurant that is the biggest baby on the planet, so I had to deal with him too.  Total bust.  Tips were crappy and customers were impatient.  Oh, and it was freezing outside in May in Bend.  Go figure.  Like I can control the weather people.  My friend Melissa moved back to Hawaii.  And I spent the better part of Saturday afternoon trying on horrible costumes for the play.  The first dress I picked out was perfect, in every sense of the word, but one of the other girls I was trying on costumes on with has serious "busty" issues and it was the only dress that looked good on her so I had to give it up and end up with some saloon girl red velvet number that I hate.  Eh.  I took another one for the team.  I'm doing that a lot lately.  Carter and I went to see "What Happens in Vegas" on Saturday and I realize that he loves to laugh at "Bathroom Humor".  What kid doesn't, right?  He will be 12 in a couple of months and I am feeling old.  He is going to be the Assistant Stage Manager for the play and we are thrilled.  He will even be in the program, I think...  Have a better day than I am everybody....

I have tried to post no less than a dozen times on my new laptop, but it seems that Apple doesn't like the format of MSN Spaces.  Huh.  Not a lot has been happening.  Mostly working and sleeping-so I got that going for me, which is nice.  Valentine's Day is tomorrow, which is not so nice.  I must admit that I have never been with someone on Valentine's Day, we either break up right before (and subsequently get back together right after) or I am painfully cingle and it punches me in the face.  I dread this holiday with all of my being.  But I work at the restaurant, so making money is better then sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  Work is busy, er-both works are busy.  My therapist suggested that I read the book "What Color is your Parachute?".  It is about finding the job that best fits your skills and passion.  I have the skills-I would love more passion.  I have to get out of this funk I am in.  It is making me take naps at 6pm.  Me no-likey.  It might just be that it is so damn cold in Bend right now that I would rather curl up with my fuzzy robe and a bowl of popcorn than venture outside.  I did take Carter the Great to a concert this last Saturday night.  Hell's Belles were playing at Winterfest.  They are an all women AC/DC cover band and they killed it!  Close your eyes and you would swear that the lead singers were the same.  The girl that played Angus Young's parts was unfrickingbelieveable!  The first strains of "Thunderstruck" come on and the crowd is all up in my devil horns.  Good stuff.  Only three fights broke out.  Carter sang/yelled the lyrics to every song out right behind me and kept telling me that I was the Greatest Mom in the World.  I will try and remember these times for when he hates me at 15 and I have ruined his life.  Turning in homework is still an issue with this one-so we are now witholding electronic equipment.  We'll see how that works.  Here's hoping you all are well.  Send all of the single, good looking, faithful doctors my way...

Ok, I have to start this entry with a rant.  If you thought it was me writing the last blog without reading the title, "Stolen from Portland Craigslist", and you were offended, Wow, sorry.  I was laughing my ass off as I read it on their site and I thought some of it relevant for my life.  My bad.  BTW-Freedom of Speech rules.  I love America.

 

But I digress...

 

My son has a hamster named Speedy.  He is a great glob of fur and fat, so it was supposed to be an ironic name, but I found out how speedy Speedy was this week, ladies and gentleman.  We have him in a glass tank with a plastic top that has tubes he can climb into and out of, never thinking in a million years, "Gee, I wonder if he will chew the top of the cage to try and get out."  Are you smelling what I am cooking?  I think you are.  Speedy, in his infinate wisdom, decides to put all of the bedding in his tank to one side, right next to the wheel he is "supposed to be using for exercise".  HA!  He laughs in the face of actually breaking a hamster sweat!  All the better to make sure that the wheel is not mobile at all, so he can climb up and start eating the plastic top that has been making sure that he eludes escape from his glass jail, oh, these many months.  He is nocturnal so he eats this thing at night, in the cover of darkness.  This rodent with a fantastic fur coat manages to fit his fat ass through a hole the size of a half dollar and makes his way to the 1400 square foot playground he has been staring at, almost pining for, since coming home with us.  Picture this-4:30 in the morning, you hear something in the house.  This fat blob of fur is chewing on a lone piece of popcorn that managed to fall to the floor and under your computer desk while you were on the internet at home.  It sounds so magnified that early in the morning, like he was chewing on a box of rocks and I am freaked out.  I jump up thinking I have a mouse in the house or something, shut my bedroom door and put a towel in the crack so there is no getting out.  I shut my closet door and start moving my computer desk to find out what the hell is causing this noise.  There is Speedy, looking up at me like, "What?  Yeah, I got out, what are you going to do about it?"  His shit-eating grin (literally) and popcorn coated whiskers are mocking me.  I say, "You are going back to jail, my friend."  He comes back with, "Oh no you didn't.  I'll be damned if I go back there.  I love my new playground."  I yell, "Oh hell no.  I'm going to catch you right now."  I chase this fat piece of lard around my bedroom for about 10 minutes, finally catching him with a hand towel from Target.  I love that store.  Oh, sorry, back to the story.  He tries to escape my clutches while I race him back to his tank.  He does an Evil Knievel out of the towel and on to the carpet in an act of sheer desperation and tries to scurry away, albeit not fast enough this time and I get him in the tank.  He is thoroughly pissed at me and proceeds to drop a deuce in defiance.  "Ha!" he says.  I race to get the metal top without all of the tubes on it, since he has shown that he can't be trusted with the good shit and put it over the top, lest he think of another way to get out.  I think I put 30 books on top, just to make sure.  Sorry, my fat friend.  Alas, I am on the top of the food chain, but you have better outerwear than I.  Call it a truce?

 

 

Dear Males:

 

Ah darlings,

I quit. I don't give up easily but when it comes to you & finding one of you who won’t drive me up the wall, I have come to the decision to throw my arms up in the air & stomp away.

You impossible, delicious bastards! I don't understand how you work or maybe it's the Universe just thinking it's funny to fuck with my poor brain. When I want a relationship I get all these perverts thinking its impressive & proper behavior to tell me how big their penis is within the first 5 minutes of meeting me. When I want a meaningless fling ranging to fuck buddy I can find a guy to screw but then all the sudden they are deeply infatuated with me & I can't, frankly, stand them as a person for more than the drunken conversation over beers & sex talk. Don't even get me started on the raging psychos that I've been stupid enough to meet off the M4W...yeah YOU. Nuts.

Oh christ & while I'm at it...old guys. Stop it. Just stop. I don't know what makes you think that leering at me, sending me dirty pictures, or telling me I'm hot is going to do, but it's certainly NOT going to make me want to date you, do you, or little else besides sitting there all night being squicked out because some creepy, hairy, old man who looks like my Dad just told me I had nice boobs.

Every guy who has given me a glance of appreciation, I always smile back if interested...give due notice to say I am open to conversation perhaps? I've posted a million Missed Connections looking for those STUPID STUPID males who give me a shit-eating grin as they get off the bus. Could you have maybe done that a few minutes BEFORE your stop perhaps? That would be nice. Look, I'm not taking a flying leap off a bus just because you smiled at me. If you think I am worth smiling at, do it sooner or just don't. I have places to go, like class, for which I cannot be late no matter how cute you are (Johnny Depp & Jeff Goldblum are the only exceptions).

Now, before I get yelled at, I have approached guys I am interested in. I have made efforts. I have had some successes with it, just not many. It kind of sucks.

But, to my original point...I quit. I am done making all this effort for a bunch of slack jawed incompetents, psychopaths, jealous maniacs, & the like. I'm just not approaching anyone or even searching for anyone period anymore.
Whatever happened to chivalry anyways? Whatever happened to the aggressive male? The one who takes charge of a situation? Jeezus.

I hear all these guys whining about how their girlfriend is materialistic, a drama queen, shallow, & boring. Well, all signs should have pointed to this almost immediately were you not blinded by a size 2 waist & tits the size of tasty casaba melons. (Before someone calls me a lard ass, I am of average shape, have a gym membership that I faithfully use, & my tits are spectacular) You met her in a sports bar, when she was wearing her Prada sandals, had her real Coach bag, & used enough hairspray to drown a moose in. She made you buy her every drink, interrupted to talk on her cell phone, & put out the first night. Uh, duh? Please stop complaining about your stupid girlfriend when you were stupid enough to completely ignore the fact that she's generally stupid in the first place & continually ignored it past the second "date" mark & are STILL ignoring it past the 6 month to the 3 year mark. Shut up shut UP!

Me, and the many females like me, in our self-ripped jeans & hoodies with little to no make-up & a working knowledge of FPSes, billiards, zombie movies, drinking games, & awesome strip clubs get to sit in the backseat to the spangly, shiny, snotty ladies who spend 2 hours getting ready to go to their freaking friend's house. We don't understand this. We don't grasp the concept of wearing high heels to shit hole bars or the need to spend over $20 on a shirt or a stupid purse that we hate carrying but have to anyways. We hate malls, we hate people who take longer than 30 minutes in a shower (it does take some time to shave you know), & most importantly we don't get why in good fucking christ anyone would tattoo their OWN name on the small of their back. If anyone could fill me in on that, please do. That would rule.

So in summation, you do not know how freaking awesome I am, or any of the other girls like me, & even if you do notice you don't take any initiative whatsoever on your part. Girls like me; we want someone who will take control for once. We like manly men. Not sissy-pants in girl jeans with more hair products than us. Since you have chosen to ignore this fact I will no longer be approaching any of you, or actively looking for any of you to become the person who not only rocks my mind, but my naughty little body as well. You will find me in a shit hole dive bar tossing back whiskey & cheap beer. You will find me sitting in the square staring at people waiting for them to do something stupid, you will find me on the bus & the MAX rocking out to the Deftones, Dredg, & other assorted super awesome bands. If you're good at navigating Powell’s, I'm there too. I'm the girl who's drooling slightly & giggling at the massive pile of books I've managed to accumulate. You will find me in libraries busting my ass to pass all these classes I take in order to make sure I am a well-educated & successful person. If you can find an abandoned house, I might be in there, or have been in there because exploring those things is fucking AWESOME except the spiders. Screw spiders. I'm not down with those.

Where you won’t find me; however, is on the lookout for a new man. I've decided I have my life to live & I am tired of running into complete trolls & dead ends. My time is precious & you guys completely insist on wasting it. It's gotten old hat, to say the least.

If you want me, come get me. Otherwise, have fun looking for cute new cell phone charms with those other broads.

Reluctant little <3,

 

What the hell?  How is a self-respecting girl with absolutely no will power supposed to stay on a diet with candy in the office, candy at the bank, candy at the grocery store, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY!!!!  I am stuffing my face at every available opportunity and the scale was not kind to me this morning.  Nor will it be when the halloween candy is 50% off tomorrow.  Bastards. 

Dating is going very well on the web front.  Next week is full.  Sigh.  All the while thinking-"at least I am putting myself out there."  To the therapist tomorrow to talk it all out. 

I am attempting to do some improvements on my house only to see how expensive everything is.  Thank goodness, my best friend Aaron is a manager at Home Depot.  I wonder if I can get a discount.....

I can't shake this head/throat cold.  I know it is allergies, but it is not going away.  Might have to call the doctor.  :-(  Me no likey.  Happy Halloween Everybody!  My favorite holiday!  The more candy you eat, the less I do. 

I went to a therapist today.  I felt that everything I am going through was bigger then me.  I also now realize that I can't rescue everyone.  Boy, if that wasn't the ephiphany I was waiting for.  Why in the world do I feel as if it is my job to save everybody?  My therapist thinks that it goes back to when I was a child, before my mom died.  I think she is right.  I need to rescue myself first.  Then maybe, I won't attract people who need to be saved from themselves.  I have heard that you attract what you are putting out there.  Yikes.  I made an appointment for next week immediately.

It is getting cold here in Oregon.  I can't wait until there is more snow on Mt. Bachelor.  I have been doing a lot of reading lately as well.  "How Starbucks Saved my Life" and "The Color of Water" are the books of late.  They are both inspiring and humbling at the same time.  I recommend them highly for anyone looking for a great read.  Also "Ava's Man" is quite good.  I am in a place right now, wondering what more I could do with my life.  I never feel as if I am doing enough.  maybe it is that I need to keep myself too busy so I don't think about him.  I couldn't save him from himself.  I couldn't save him from himself.  I couldn't save him from himself.  I am better off without him.  I am better off without him.  I am better off without him.  Sigh.  Mantras need work.  Mantras need work.  Mantras need work.